Live what you dream -Draft

What if the mirror could see more than skin
If it could reflect the truth and the sin
The deep reaches of all that you are
And if it could, would the world care?

The world is an image, it is not real
It is a facsimile of what you're supposed to feel
It holds a grasp so tight that you have to lie
Else the truth would cause your spirit to die.

We are the downtrodden, the ones who see
What you think we are is not what we're meant to be
We put on our masks, pretend to be you
But in truth we are but one of the few.

We are more than cattle, we rise above,
We live for knowledge, and look for love.
Search for humanity, don't be the machine,
Give all that you are and live what you dream.

Emotions

Are humans a slave to their emotions;

Endlessly searching for the sublime,

Or is happiness just a desperate notion

That changes and evolves over time.

An animal has feelings, but are they aware

Can they process and surpass their feral instincts?

Our emotions control us, but are beyond compare,

They form our perception and make us distinct.

But are we ever ourselves again

When our emotions burn faster and stronger in pain

We are changed by the experience, lost in the shame

Of losing a loved one with nothing to gain.

Je ne sais quoi

Sanity is breaking loose, and insanity is all I have left.

I am cleft to its bosom, trapped like a child

Clinging to the only support that my developing hands can grasp.

I am a newborn, a halfbreed of all that I was, all that I am.

I am dependant on you for succour, you feed me with your touch;

I need you to let me taste you, to remember your scent

To breath deeply of the dew that seeps from my touch

To bind myself in the unending torrent of feeling

And to die for a while in that certain je ne sais quoi.

Lovers

My heart is unbridled, I cannot pretend,

That all I require is just a good friend.

I need a companion, a lover, and then

Maybe, just maybe, I’ll find love again.

I searched in my heart for what love should be,

I realised too late that it always starts with me,

To love oneself is a challenge, not a goal,

You won’t find redemption if you don’t have a soul.

My passion is a burden, too much for one man,

If I let if go I will be dead again

I will foster and keep it, then set it free,

I’ll use it to catch you and bring you to me.

A Mirror of Pen and Paper

I have a mirror of pen and paper
It is more intrusive than silvered glass,
Which relies on your image, else you are vapour,
Whereas my thoughts and words will outlast; surpass.

I take your image and fill the void
Replace the gaps with the truth inside
But the end result leaves you underjoyed
Even though the outcome is fully justified.

I have a mirror that sees it all
It reaches in and discovers your worth
I will write the story of your fall
Your central themes and back to your birth

Beauty is transient, subjective and biased
My words describe what lies beneath
Your reflection will degrade, get lost in a mask
My words will last forever, but your beauty will cease.

Inspiring the mirror

Just some random thoughts from a while ago, which then led me to write a poem.

The question is not where do I go from here;
The question is where was I going before you intervened?
What did I want from life?
I know what I can do
I know what I like
But what do I want?
Living life with no plan is almost as bad as failure
You have abandoned hope without even trying
Are the ideas I have truly things I want,
Or are they imagined distractions?
I need to search, I need to explore myself
I need to write myself on a page again
I need to embrace my mind instead of hiding from the answers I find.
The mirror is a pen and a page.

I am Afraid

I am afraid of who I am
I am afraid of how I feel
I am afraid to give a damn
I am afraid this is not real

I am afraid to speak your name
I am afraid to see your face
I am afraid it will be the same
I am afraid I will fall from grace

I am not afraid to speak my mind
I am not afraid to show I care
I am not afraid of what I will find
When fear is gone and I am laid bare.

Are you afraid of who you are
Are you afraid of how you feel
Are you afraid to give a damn
Are you afraid that all of this is real

If you are afraid then I am too
But I will never be afraid of you.

The World

The world is broken, the world is unfair,
The world doesn’t recognise if you care.
The world is ignorant, the world does not share,
The world doesn’t understand what is truly there.

I am myself, I am not who you think,
I am not afraid; even when I sink.
I will keep trying, I will not shrink,
I will rewrite the world with indian ink.

You too are broken, you know it is true,
I will not pretend that I am not like you
And you will cause a hullabaloo
When you feel a sense of deja vu.

The world is broken, but you are there
I recognise that you all do care
You are not ignorant, you will share,
You truly understand what is really there.

What is Pain?

What is pain? What is pleasure?
What is one without the other?
What is beauty? What is horror?
Except to the eye of the beholder?

You are pleasure, you are pain,
When others are gone you remain;
You are horror, you are beauty,
You scare me yet you seduce me.

What is joy? What is sorrow?
What is the anxious unruly tomorrow?
What is lust? What is hate?
Can we really escape this fate?

You are joy, you are sorrow,
You are the reason I look to tomorrow
You are lust, but never hate,
You increase my heart rate.

Potential

What lies in potential is often more attractive than actualisation,
Belief is powerful, belief distracts you from reality. 
Only when you tear apart your belief can you find what lies beneath.
Underneath us all is a broken child, we are all trying to get back to innocence
The innocence of the first smile,
The first laugh
The first time you both shared the same thought
The first time you shared a passionate idea
The first time you looked at each other and saw a future
The first kiss, the last kiss before the next
The first embrace when you lose yourself in another
The first time you are unafraid
The first time you were vulnerable and it didn't matter
If you are unwilling to accept that vulnerability you cannot accept love and give it back.

Break the mirrors

Break the mirrors, smash the panes
Each time you look it's not the same.
Take off your mask, crush it hard
Now bury the remnants in the yard. 

Burn the pictures, replace the frame
Smile with the flicker of every flame.
Destroy the hard-drive, wipe it clean
And try your hardest not to dream. 

Memories resurface, they will no let go
Thy affect you more than you may know. 
Search for slumber and meet me there,
Tell me the truth if you dare. 

The Beach

I look to the horizon and take in the view
I wonder at the beauty of the colours and the hues
A distance of deep sea greens and blues
And the sand I will take home in the bottom of my shoes

The horses of white that race to the shore
Shrinking and collapsing to be replaced by more
Like a mysterious rite of ancient lore
They bid me join them, their embrace to explore

The sea is my companion, its warmth my friend
It heals and restores with the heat it sends
I hope it sees my weaknesses, my heart to mend
It will always be with me, its affection never ends.

Penguins at Play

It was a warm sunny summers day,

And the penguins went out to laugh and play

But after a while they felt hot and bothered

And a cool location was to be discovered.

They sought shade under a sycamore tree

But were scared away by a bumble bee;

They searched for a pond in the park

But one of them claimed they saw a shark.

Sullenly they returned to the house

But were startled by a chattering mouse

It said “Quick, follow me into the garage,

I found something while I was on the forage”

They were no longer afraid to explore

So the penguins sneaked under the door

In the cool dark building they were intrigued

By a mass of piping, bottles and homemade mead.

They ran between the pipes ahead

And all dove into a big dank keg

They swam and drank so much black sheep

That refreshed and drunk, they fell asleep.

In the morning they woke up yawning

Because they heard each other snoring

They looked around, they were all caught

In a bottle of beer stopped with a cork!

This poem was inspired by the beautiful Rachael Harrison.
She informed the world of her dream of Penguins in Bottles and I had to write about it!
She drew this wonderful picture of her dream, and I used it as inspirado!

Random thoughts

Embrace emotion in all of it's forms. We are human, and so long as we are not consumed by them, emotions make us strong. I must face my fears, I must accept my emotions, I should wear them on my sleeve again. I am a creative person, a writer, a poet, I am not an automaton. Yes it is good to laugh, but you cannot suppress your feelings without suppressing yourself.

I am not the confusion in your mind, I am not the anger in you chest, I am not the fear in your gut, I am not the love in your heart or the lust in your loins. I am the small quiet voice that tells you something is wrong, something is right, or something is worth the pain. I am me, i am you, and I love you.

 

The Stream

The stream no longer flows
It meanders where no one knows
You cannot predict it
You cannot prevent it
The stream arrives where it wants
It has a deadly purpose of its own devising
And you may be left as the only one surviving
A Lonesome castle open on all fronts.

Emotion

Just finished watching Terry Pratchett's documentary on BBC2 re: assisted suicide. Hard to watch, but Terry is such a unique and lovable person, his viewpoint gave it credibility.

I don't believe it promoted the act, but it gave credence to people, knowing you can do it can give you the strength to no do it.  Whereas for others, not having to travel and spend so much would allow them the escape they need or deserve.

I believe people should have the choice.  The choice itself is not easy, but it should not be taken away from your just because you cannot afford it.

On another point....

Emotion

Embrace emotion in all of its forms.We are human, and so long as we are not consumed by them, emotions make us strong. I must face my fears, I must accept my emotions, I should wear them on my sleeve . I am a creative person, a writer, a poet, I am not an automaton. Yes it is good to laugh, but you cannot suppress your feelings without suppressing yourself.

We are human, therefore we feel.  We are human, therefore we fall in love. We are human, therefore we make mistakes. We are human, and that is enough.

A Still Calm

A still calm, the ripple of the breeze;
I sit in solace surrounded by trees.
Their branches lilt towards the lake,
Renewing life with every breath they take.

The air rushes past, we are on the move,
Heading for freedom, my heart to soothe.
I look to the mountains, their jagged heights,
And dream of tomorrow, bliss in my sights.

I long for a future where I am free
And you are with me, where ever you be.
Distance means nothing when you are in love
It is enough when we are united by a compassionate hug.

An Escape

This weekend I shall be escaping the drudgery of the city to find peace and maybe a little indulgence in the Lake district.

I am hoping to do some writing and soul searching; and to enjoy nature as much as possible.

Hope you all have a great weekend.

John

The Darkness

I return to the darkness
and embrace it.
It is my long lost friend
I have been afraid of the light
That the night brings
In the darkness I find solace
In the darkness I find comfort
In the darkness I am not lost
I and found and reborn
In the darkness dwells light
And I am saved.

Psalm 139

"Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me, even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you."

What I Need

To love myself

To forgive myself

To ask for forgiveness

To love God

To be myself

To accept my weaknesses

To love people for who they are

To stop blaming other people for my problems

To make positive changes and to accept change

To not expect life to come to me, I must grasp it

I am not other people

I am me

I am allowed to make mistakes

I am loved

Love does not smother

Love nurtures

The Crossroads

I lay and wonder what the future holds
I can see a distance that I must cross
I need an answer to save our souls
That returns the most with the least cost


If life were that easy I would have it all
But life requires work, strife, and sorrow,
And to this task we all must fall
In order to find a new beautiful tomorrow

At the crossroads I am lost, confused
Looking to you for answers that you can't give
I sit and wonder, alone, bemused,
Trying to find a new path that I must live.

Still, I am waiting at your beck and call
Hoping you will find what you need
Until then I'll give life my all
Else you will just bite the hand that feeds.

The Mirror

The mirror stands tall and frightening, against a wall of torrid vehemence.
I stare at it and wonder if I should look.
Should I gaze into the abyss, or will the abyss stare into me?
If I look closely will I find myself or will the hole tear out my heart.

I look down and see that I am bleeding.
I try to stem the flow with my hands, but they tear at my flesh and my guts spill out.

I admire them, but cannot recognise the organs. They are not my own.
I am Frankenstein. I have become a monster of my own creation.
I am cobbled from the parts of those I love, of those I have loved, and those I have lost.

I search for something else, trying to find what I thought I had lost.
I now realise it is still within me, steadily beating and pumping life throughout my body.

Spring cleaning

I've decided I have way too many attachments in my life that I have been clinging to for no reason.
A lot of it is material items that I have been filling my life with to try and make me happy.
I have been doing that since the time I was 19. 10 Years ago!
I need to work out what has been missing in my life.
I need to work out why I have fallen out of love with myself.

In other news, I discovered that iTunes thinks that Damien Rice's 0 is the same as Sigor Ros - Agaetis Byrjun.
I own both albums, both are great! Love the art work on the Sigor Ros album more though...

I've been writing!

Went into Wakefield today at 8pm in the evening.

Was glorious and sunny out, and I walked through town, and walked around the outside of the Hepworth Gallery.

While I was out I wrote 5 whole poems!!!!!!!

Was just looking at people and thinking about who they were and what they were doing out and about.

Old Man

Old man, missing tooth,

wonders what happened

To his youth

He sits alone

On the stoop

Rubbing his eyes

Until they droop.

He lost it all

To his pride

Took the fall

Because he lied.

And now he rots

Alone and cries

Ashamed of all the lost goodbyes.

Falling Down

Falling Down, Falling Down,

They’re getting drunk all over town.

Tomorrow they will want to drown,

Because of what they did up town.
 

Falling Down, Falling Down,

What happened last night will make you frown

Do you trust yourself up town

When you’re so close to falling down?
 

Falling Down, Falling Down,

Did you think yourself a clown

When what you did made you frown

When you turned to mush out of bounds.
 

Falling Down, Falling Down,

You can’t drink when you’re up town,

When what you feel has bent your crown

But you can’t stop, you’re falling down.

Trust

Can you trust someone

Who can’t trust their lies?

They’re escaping it all

Away from your eyes.

You don’t want to hurt them,

But you can’t stop.

You’re bent on destruction

Unbuttoning your top.

You see the collision,

But will you shy away?

Just a moment of madness

Or will you just stay?

You’re caught in the headlights,

Ashamed of your mind,

Looking for an outlet

And hoping they’re blind.

The Ritual

The ritual continue

They’re out on the lash

Drowning their sorrows

With misspent cash

It’ll continue tomorrow

And the day after that

The sheep they will follow

Until they are fat

They run through the market

They say that it’s through

What they did to him

They have done to you

The streets are real drama

They’re caught in the show

Exposing their weaknesses

Of the life they now know.

Setting Sail

A plan arose from my mind,

Of setting sail for the future

To see what I will find.

I have weighed the anchor,

Set the sheets to the wind

Aware that the moment

Will signal a change.

Fear is still present,

But it’s focused and honed;

Turning the keel

Towards my new home.